Many of us face different challenges in our lives. Some are physical, mental, social, emotional, health issues, and so much more. We may fall into the depths of “Why Me” ” This isn’t fair” ” When will it end” and not even see the details that make us who we are.

13 years ago me, my husband and my two girls were thrown into the special needs world. Little did we know how much Logan would shape and change our lives. We became germ-a-phobe’s, and this was before COVID was even a THING. We became paranoid when we heard someone cough or saw some child with a nasty nose. We tried EVERYTHING to keep Logan in a “healthy bubble”

But, in the end, it destroyed me. I would make myself sick, because of the stress I brought onto myself in worrying if Logan would get sick. I hated it. The year when COVID striked, and seeing the world wear masks, wear gloves and be paranoid like we as special needs families always have been, opened my eyes. Yes, my son is immunocompromised, he gets sick easily, but I couldn’t stress about him possibly getting sick any longer.

I felt this weight off of my shoulders. It was a feeling of freedom. Yes, I still wash his hands often, give him as many vitamins as I can, and do the best of my ability as a mom and a caretaker. But that feeling of not being paranoid, is a rejoicing feeling.

Logan can tell you a lot with his eye. Not only is he Mr. Personality and has his own version of GQ, but his eyes and his spirit speak profoundly to how he feels and what he wants. You can tell he gets frustrated in his body, let alone trying to communicate with us. He has an underdeveloped cerebellum which controls motor movements, so as he uses his modified signs, you have to understand the context that he is trying to state. Many times we fail at guessing and communicating with him, which of course gets him beyond frustrated. But when he is patient and calm, I can feel and understand what he is telling me through his eyes.

Logan has a special technique that he does with his eyes that melts every woman’s heart he comes in contact with. Logan is partially deaf, so when he wants to grab someone’s attention, he does it with a wave of his hand saying; “Hey, Hey, Hey”. Once there is eye contact, he will lift his glasses, and give them a wink with a click of his mouth. It makes every woman laugh and melt their hearts at the same time.

Through his eyes life is worth enjoying. He may not be able to walk and run like most 13 year olds, but he can make you laugh, he is wicked good at playing video games, he loves his chips and cottage cheese, he loves anything with a remote, and loves being outside.

If freckles are from angle kisses, I truly believe angles have kissed him countlessly to keep enjoying one more day. Life is enjoyed if we can focus on the details. Details in a smile, in their eyes, details in their hands, the sound of their laughter, the tight hugs that could almost crack your back, how they walk, how they show you their love, and so much more.

I am guilty for falling into the trap of; “WHY” “WHY ME” and “I’m so tired”. That when I look into this fiesty boys eyes, I remember that when focusing on the details, we are focusing on good, we can remember to do our part and ask God for help, to help us see our own details on Why We Are Here, and How we can make a difference.

We may be struggling with the body we have been given, or the challenging health problems, or the frustrating mental, spritiual and social block that we face on a daily basis. But God didn’t give us challenges for us to Fail, He gave them to us to do our best, remember to reach out to Him for strength and to help others that may be struggling with the same thing.

Being a special needs parent is NOT easy, but it has helped me, my husband and my 3 other kiddos grow on so many levels. Remember that you are not alone, but to focus on the beautiful details that you have to offer. As I sit here, tired, hoping, waiting, and wanting a change of growth spiritually, physically, successfully, and mentally, I am reminded to look into my sons eyes, and to embrace the details that can bring so much more joy into ones life than we could ever imagine.

Good luck to you my friend and may God give you strength to whatever you are facing.

-Hugs

Britney